<Nick>

 

I stared at the instructions for the hundredth time.  They might as well be written in Japanese for all the good they were doing me.  I barely knew one kind of screw from the other and they expected me to put together a tricycle?  My daughter was going to ride this thing and all I needed was it to fall apart on Josie’s first push.  She’s break a leg or arm or crack her head open, then it’d be all over the newspapers:  Ex-Backstreet Boy Sentenced to Life in Prison as an Unfit Parent.

 

“They don’t send you to prison for things like that, bunny.”  Rachel laughed, coming over to me with a glass of wine in one hand and the screwdriver in the other. 

 

I loved my wife.  I really, truly did, but it still freaked me out that she could read my mind. 

 

Well, not all the time.  That would be an entirely different story.  I’d never get to leave the house if she could read my every thought.  AJ and I had started doing some acoustic shows last year and much to our surprise we still had fans… groupies, even.  Not that I ever indulged.  Not when I had Rachel at home who still looked like… well, Rachel. 

But if she could read my mind, she’d have left me just for some of my thoughts.  Like this time that girl Cori showed up in Cincinnati and…

 

“Nick, do you need help?  It’s okay to ask for help.”

 

“You are just waiting for me to fail, aren’t you?”

 

She smiled, sitting down on the couch and holding out the screwdriver to me.  “You left this in the kitchen next to the milk and cookies.”

 

“Damn!  I told Josie Santa would eat those!”

 

“She… ummm… I mean, he did.”

 

“I thought you were trying to get back to touring weight, Rache?”  I knew that’d get her and I saw that pout that I fell in love with.  Crawling over to her, I ran my hands over her silky pjs and took the screwdriver, but she had other plans.  She slid to the edge of the couch, capturing me between her legs.

 

“Are you saying I’m fat, Nickolas?  Because I can let you put this together wrong and go to jail when our daughter cracks her skull open on the icy concrete in the driveway.”

 

“We don’t have a driveway, Rache,” I whispered against her skin as I unbuttoned the bottom of her top to reveal her tummy.  As I kissed her gently, she let out a sigh and I felt her muscles tense against my lips.

 

“You know that I mean!”

 

“And it’s you that’s always going on about how skinny Gwen is after having her third child, not me.  I love you…” I kissed her tattoo that was now more oval than circular around her belly button, “More than ever.  Especially right here.”

 

She smiled down at me, undoubtedly remembering the first time I’d touched her there when she’d just started showing while she was pregnant with Josie.  The first thing to start stretching was her belly button and we both mourned what we thought was the loss of that sexy spot on her body.  Little did we know that pregnancy would make Rachel even hornier and it never really mattered how out of shape her perfect circle got. 

 

“Don’t stop, Nick.”  She sighed, grabbing hold of my head and opening her legs to me.  I could smell her scent through the red silk of her pajama bottoms and started to pull them down.  I had time to tease her… just a bit.

 

Lifting her hips off the couch cushions, she squirmed as I pulled the soft silk down her legs, replacing the fabric with my warm mouth and wet tongue, loving her unique smell and taste as I made my way back up to my target.

 

Finding her pussy, I touched her gently with my fingertips and she sank lower, giving me better access to her.  After so many years I knew exactly what she needed and she knew it, too.  We used to talk a lot during sex, but with Josie in the house silence was the golden rule.  Especially tonight. 

 

Looking up to gauge her progress, I caught her staring over at the tree, her eyes fixated on the star on top with a picture of our perfect daughter inside.  It was like we took turns being overcome with emotion this year.  For the first time, I really felt like we were a family.  Josie understood what Christmas was and we were having too much fun with her – like we were experiencing it all for the first time.

 

That’s why tomorrow morning had to be perfect.  This was going to be her favorite present under the tree if I had to stay up all night!

 

Coming down from her high, Rachel slid off the couch and joined me on the floor, satisfied in my arms. 

”I didn’t mean to distract you from your mission, Nicky,” she purred, running her fingers down my chest and cupping my cock in her hand lightly.

 

“I think you did, buttercup.  But that’s okay.  I’ll get my second wind and figure this stupid bike out.”

 

“We should have paid extra to have it built, huh?”

 

I didn’t even dignify that with a response.  I was the one who wanted to experience everything like we were just a normal family this Christmas.  We’d picked out the tree from a farm on Long Island and I was going to put together my daughter’s first tricycle with my own two hands!

 

<Rachel>

 

An hour later and Nick still hadn’t come up to bed, so I pulled on my pajamas and went looking.  Did he pass out under the tree?

 

Nope, he was still staring at directions but the tricycle was still in a few pieces on the floor.

 

“What?”  He looked up as he heard me on the stairs.

 

“Nothing, baby.” I joined him in the middle of the room, wrapping an arm around his back and staring down at the directions.  “Why don’t we just have Jon and Patrick help with this in the morning?  They have more dad experience.”

 

“No!”  His voice was rough and I pulled away, considering him.  Normalcy was so important to my Nick.  He wanted this first Christmas that Josie would remember to be perfect. Just our little family and a simple tree.  Okay, and about a gazillion presents lying under it… man, this was going to be one spoiled little girl in a few hours.

 

“Bunny, it’s getting late… early… whatever.  She’s going to be up soon.  It’s okay that we can’t figure out how to put together a tricycle.  It’s not going to ruin her Christmas.”

 

“But it’s Barbie and pink and glittery and she’ll love it. It will be her favorite present, Rache!”

 

His voice was so whiny, that I just had to kiss him.  As soon as my lips touched his, he relaxed against me.  His fingers ran through my hair, keeping me close as he deepened our kiss.

 

“But if we give up now, I can give you your Christmas present, Nicky,” I sighed as we separated.  He considered me for a moment. 

 

“Nope.”  He shook his head, pushing me away and holding up the tricycle wheel and studying it as if it contained all the answers in the universe.  “I can do this one stupid thing!”

 

“Nicky, you can do a lot of stupid things…”  I giggled, leaning back and watching him again.  He put down the wheel and pinned me on the carpet, holding my hands above my head. 

 

“Stop it!  I’m going to finish this one thing!”

 

I tried to break free but I think he was enjoying this a little, so I didn’t struggle too hard.  Instead I wrapped a leg around his back and pulled him down to me. “Sure you don’t want to move on to other things, baby?  I think I owe you a present.”

 

“You think sex is going to get me to stop this?”

 

I shrugged, grinning up at him, and he responded by kissing my neck, making me squirm against him.  I knew how much he liked that feeling.  He released my hands and I ran my fingers through his hair, holding him to me as he unbuttoned my pajama top, exposing me to his waiting mouth.

 

“Oh, damn, Nick,” I sighed as he sucked my nipple into his mouth slowly.  His hand ran down my side and disappeared inside my pajama bottoms.

 

“I love you.”  He sighed as his hand caressed my ass and I ground my hips up against him.  Apparently he needed to let off a little steam.  This bike was really frustrating him. 

 

He ran his tongue down to my stomach, stopping to suck lightly on my hip bone.  It’d taken me a while to feel okay about him touching me there after Josie was born, my perfect round tattoo now a little deformed after she’d been there.  But now it was okay, erotic even.  The mark of what our love had done.  

 

Before I knew it, I was naked underneath him and was teasing me with his tongue, thoughts of Josie’s tricycle long gone.

 

<Nick>

 

Maybe I couldn’t put together a child’s tricycle, but I could make Rachel come and scream my name in less than a minute if I tried.   Her nails were stroking my scalp and she moved her hips up in response to the movement of my tongue.  Before she could come, I stopped and then slammed my cock inside her, making her arch against me as her whole body responded to my movement.

 

“More, Nick…” she panted as I increased my thrusts, trying to hold on while she rode out her orgasm.  But it was no use, her walls gripped my cock and I was gone, burying my head in the carpet next to her head so we wouldn’t wake Josie.  Her nails dug into my back and she bit my shoulder to keep from screaming herself as I continued to move inside her, catching my breath and savoring this feeling. 

 

“Merry Christmas, baby,” I smiled down at her as she recovered, still holding me to her tightly, “I love you.”

 

“Me too, bunny.  Can we go to bed now and do that some more?” 

 

I rolled off her, readjusting my pajamas. “No!  I’m going to do this!”

 

“Then one of us needs to be coherent in the morning when she gets up at the crack of dawn.  I’m going to bed.” 

 

I nodded, looking back at the directions.  I could do this.  I didn’t need Jon or Patrick or anyone else helping.  I was a dad, I could follow a few simple instructions and put together a bike for my little girl.

 

Rachel kissed the top of my head and I glanced up at the clock above the fireplace.  It was only midnight in LA.  Maybe Kevin and Jana were still up putting together toys themselves.   Kevin would know how to do this, right?

 

<Rachel>

 

I heard Josie’s little voice in my ear and I reached out for Nick, but just felt the empty bed.  Did he get her up already?  Impossible.  She never woke him. She always came to me.  She knew I’d hear her before Nick.  Yet another completely unfair mother-daughter bond.  I rolled over and pulled her onto the bed without opening my eyes.  I loved the way her tiny frame fit against me.

 

“Mornin’ Jo…”  I yawned, trying to wake up.

 

“Santa come?” she asked, settling against my body as I pulled her closer to me.

 

“Mm-hmmm… he ate all your cookies, Jo…”

 

“Where Daddy?”

 

Oh, right.  I opened one eye and looked at the end of the bed where Nick always threw his pajama top before getting into bed.  In the last few months since Josie had graduated to the big girl bed, we’d both been forced to lean how to wear pajamas to bed.  But I still loved the feel of waking up with my head against his bare chest, so he’d take off the top before sliding in with me.

 

But no pajama top.  Where was he?

 

I pulled myself out of bed and splashed water on my face.

 

“Santa come, Mommy?”

 

Josie’s insistent voice greeted me as I dried my face and turned back to her.  Her blonde curls created a halo around her head as she smiled up at me.

 

“Were you a good girl, Josie?”

 

She just nodded and gave me that trademark Carter grin.  Of all the things she could inherit from her daddy, it had to be that, didn’t it?  Even I was powerless to that grin on our adorable daughter.  I pulled her into my arms, settling her on my hip like I’d done a thousand times before and we headed downstairs.  Maybe Nick was making us coffee? 

 

I nearly dropped Josie as I found Nick sprawled out star-shaped in front of the tree surrounded by presents and Josie’s completely finished and sparkling Barbie tricycle.  She wiggled out of my arms, screaming, “Santa came!  Santa came!  Daddy!!!!”

 

Nick leaped up at the sound of her screeching and I about died laughing, not able to catch my breath, as he looked around the room frantically for the source of the noise.  It was amazing how much sound one excited little girl could make.  You’d think after years in a boyband this wouldn’t surprise him, but it still did.

 

“Daddy!  Daddy! Lookit me!!!”

 

Josie was already on her tricycle, beaming up at both of us, the happiest smile on her little face.  Nick’s eyes found mine and we couldn’t help but burst into giggles.  We both ran for the camcorder, but he found it first, flipping it open and getting her on tape, waving to the camera and yelling, ‘thank you Santa!’

 

I put an arm around him and leaned into him whispering in his ear, “You are the best Santa ever, Nicky.”

 

 

Somewhere in the back of my mind a dog barked and then I felt something warm and wet on my toes.  “Rachel,” I moaned, moving my foot.  Josie’d wanted a puppy, too, but we’d settled on the tricycle.  Maybe next year we could get her a puppy, that’d be fun.

 

Puppy?

 

Josie?

 

I started to come out of my dreamlike fog and pulled her body closer to mine.  I loved this dream and I didn’t want it to end just yet.  Reaching for my wife, I stroked her hair, but the soft curls felt like straw under my fingers.  Opening my eyes, it all came back to me.

 

No Rachel.

 

No Josie.

 

Certainly no tricycle.

 

“Nick, take Tinkerbell out, would you?  I’m exhausted.”  Paris’ pouty little girl voice pulled me back to reality.  “And move over, you’re suffocating me!”

 

I opened my eyes and took in the scene.  Pink walls and ruffles all around me.  That stupid little rat dog licking my exposed foot as Paris pulled away, wrapping her arms around a giant teddy bear and drifting back to sleep. 

 

Pulling the covers back over her bony shoulders I rolled out of bed.  No baby.  That would ruin my wife’s figure.  She was still chasing the dream.  One day she wanted to be an actress and the next a singer or model.  She didn’t care what, as long as it kept her name in the papers.

 

“C’mon Tink, you stupid…”

 

“Nick!  Be nice to her!” Paris shouted from the bedroom.  I swear the woman had the whole house bugged.  It was like a prison.  No wonder I still dreamed of Rachel.

 

Letting the dog out, I waved to the maid and poured a cup of coffee, sitting down to the paper.  Maybe I could convince AJ to start our tour earlier.  We could escape to Vegas for a few days and I’d tell Paris we were rehearsing. 

 

Like that would ever work.  It’s not that she loved me so much as owned me.  I was hers for better or worse, sickness and health, death to do us part.  Or she hooked someone more famous.  Wonder if Justin liked her.

 

Like a premonition, I turned the page and saw them… Justin and Rachel leaving a restaurant.  Both were beaming and he had his arm around her protectively as her hand rested on her growing belly.  If I were him, I’d never let her go, either.

 

Looking at the picture I realized she’d never been more beautiful… or out of reach.

 

 

“Do we know a Josie?”

 

Justin looked up from the paper and considered me.  “As in the Pussycats?”

 

“Long tail and ears for hats?”  JC chimed in and they sang the first verse to the Josie and the Pussycats theme song.  The men in my life were so strange.  I just shook my head and turned to the refrigerator.  I needed food if they were going to be singing cartoon theme songs all morning.

 

“No juice.  Too much sugar!”  JC reminded me as I reached for the orange juice.  Who knew juice could be bad for you? 

 

JC did. 

 

JC knew all these bizarre things about what a pregnant woman should or shouldn’t do.  I was only in my fifth month, and this baby might not make it to nine if JC kept acting like this.

 

“I know,” I sighed, reaching for the vitamin supplements on the top shelf and grabbing a bottle of water.  Apparently he didn’t want me drinking regular water, either.  Only certain brands of bottled water were good enough for his baby.

 

His baby. 

 

I glanced down at my belly and felt a pang in my heart.  It was weird enough being pregnant that sometimes I forgot that I was just a living, breathing incubator.  Sure, I’d be part of the baby’s life, but it wasn’t mine.  Not biologically.  They’d used an anonymous donor for the egg and we didn’t even know if it was JC or James’ biological child.  They wanted it to be as much of a surprise as possible.  I had a hunch this was going to be a curly-haired child, though.

 

“Enough of the singing!”  James hollered, joining us in the kitchen.  “Jace, you have to let Rachel have more than water and vitamins or she’s going to die before she’s able to give birth to the gay baby messiah.”  James took my water bottle and poured me a small glass of juice.

 

“Bless you, James.”  I whispered, taking a quick drink to down my vitamins.  “Am I allowed to have oatmeal, or does that have too much sugar, too?”

 

JC was not amused.  They said that pregnant women were hormonal, but gay soon-to-be-fathers were worse! 

 

“Apparently James doesn’t care if we have a hyperactive baby, so sure.  Put all the sugar in it you want.  In fact, how about I go get you some candy bars for breakfast?  Does that sound good, Rachel?”

 

I sighed and saw Justin trying not to laugh.  “For the record, Justin, we are never doing this again.”

 

“Tell me about it, babe.  Being your beard for this charade is really cutting into my sex life.  Here we are on Page Six again.  We do make an adorable couple, don’t we?  Wanna run away together?”

 

“Not until my baby is born!”  JC pouted, looking down at the photograph. 

 

“So where’d the Josie thing come from?”  Justin continued, ignoring JC. 

 

“Oh, I’d forgotten about that already!  I had the weirdest dream.  It was Christmas and I was with…”

 

My voice trailed off and they all stared at me.  James put a hand on my shoulder and half-smiled, “Him again?  Rache, are you sure you don’t need some therapy?  I mean, they’ve been married for a while.”

 

“I know.   It’s just… never mind, it’s stupid.  It was just a dream, anyway.”

But it was a really nice dream. 

 

uploaded 1.27.07
Happy Birthday, Nick.

Birthday Wish #1 ('02) | Birthday Wish #2 ('03)
ADIDAS ('04) | Chapter 29 ('05) | Take One ('06) | Christmas Future ('07)

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