Chapter added 5/1/04
Email feedback to The Paperbag Princess
<Chapter 3 >
I glanced around the room, looking for…
James. I didn't realize I was looking for him, but he's exactly who I wanted to see. They presented us with one of our VMAs… best dance video? Best pop? One of them… but I had to stay far away from him when the cameras were on us. Every time I looked at him I got hard. He was poured into a pair of leather pants and a T-shirt that hugged his chest. He was fucking gorgeous. His hair was styled, sticking straight up all over his head, but I could only remember how it fell in his eyes when he was on top of me.
God. He was so right, sex with closeted little gay boys was nothing. I'd never taken a chance with someone who was actually secure in his sexuality, it was way too risky. But I trusted him, from the first moment we shook hands and he smiled at me, I knew he would keep my secret.
Where were they staying? Was there a chance in hell that we could be together tonight? It was all I could think about. We'd won a million awards, and all I could think about was getting laid.
But maybe he only wanted a one night stand… why would someone like him want to be with a closeted boy like me? He was gay, and didn't care who knew it. It wasn't an issue in his life. He didn't allow it be. His band was doing great, all his sexual preference did was get them some amusing press and the cover of The Advocate. I wanted my life to be that easy.
He caught my eye from across the room and grinned. It might have even been a sexy grin, and for once in my life, I didn't care, I just made my way over to him. When I got there, he was leaning against the bar, glancing around. "Hey," I said, trying to get his attention.
"Jace…" he purred, his eyes meeting mine. His eyes were a deep brown. I could look at them forever.
But I couldn't do that here. If I could do what I wanted, I'd be kissing him now, holding his strong face in my hands, making him beg me to fuck him the same way I'd begged him the other night. I was not used to having someone else be in control during sex. I had no idea how amazing that could be.
But we were in public now, so I just smiled, leaning around him to order another drink. "Congrats," he said, sounding like nothing more than a friend. "You took home everything tonight."
"Yeah, I think Rachel's boyfriend might kill me if he sees me."
He laughed, putting an arm around my shoulders. "I'll protect you from him. She might kill you, however. You have no idea how many times she voted for that damn Viewer's Choice award."
He's touching me. Oh god oh god oh god. Think about something else, JC, anything else. It was fine. I knew it just looked friendly, but my body leapt to attention at his touch.
"What can I say? Our fans are better than theirs."
He suddenly moved away from me, distracted. "Fuck," he muttered, and I looked around to find what had him upset. A journalist, taking our picture to start some rumors? No, just Rachel, talking to some little guy with a buzz cut.
"Who's that?" I asked him.
"An ex. An ex she really does not need to see. I need to-" he stopped, as we watched Nick find her, slipping an arm around her waist. James exhaled and relaxed, leaning on the bar next to me. "Nick saved her. She'll be OK now."
"Will he kill the ex?"
"Fine by me, although the British music press might get a little annoyed."
"British? Is he someone I should know?"
"He's the lead singer of Blur."
"She gets around, doesn't she?" I teased, making him laugh.
"Well, Jeremy wasn't famous when they were together. But up until now, she's had unfortunate taste in men."
"Up until now?" I sputtered. "How bad is this Damon guy if Nick Carter is an improvement?"
Smiling, he wagged a finger at me. "Now, don't let the boy band rivalries cloud your judgement. Nick is very good for Rachel, he's a sweet boy."
I nearly spit my drink out. "Sweet? Nick fucking Carter is sweet?"
"Aw, JC, he was always sweet to me. Still is." I felt arms around my neck and didn't need to turn around to know who it was. Willa fucking Ford. The other guys thought it was a riot that Nick's ex was now our biggest fan, but I couldn't stand her. It could have something to do with that fact that she threw herself at me every time she saw me.
James raised an eyebrow at her. "He wasn't tonight."
She kissed my cheek and I forced myself to keep a straight face. I wanted to act like a 9-year-old and go 'Ew, girl cooties' and wipe off my cheek. "I'm sure he just didn't see me. Right, Joshie? How could he hate me?" Even my mother doesn't call me 'Joshie'.
"From what I've heard, Willamanda, he has lots of reasons to hate you," James said, his tone light. Willamanda. That was good.
But she just looked at him, still resting her head on mine. "I'm sure he's said lots of things to your friend to make me look bad and him look good. Never believe what a man says about his ex, Jamie."
"Somehow, darling, I have no problem believing anything he's said about you. Did you really sue for custody of the dogs? Wasn't that just a tad desperate? Speaking of which, would you unhand this poor boy? You're strangling him." He removed her arms from my neck and I had to bite my lip to not burst into hysterical laughter. I couldn't look at either of them or I'd crack up, but I knew she was pouting at him, because I heard James sigh. "That so doesn't work with me, little girl. Do you not read my press? JC is more my type than you are."
She stroked my hair. "Sorry, he's mine."
She was so stupid. Not a brain cell to rub together.
James caught my eye for the tiniest of seconds and I just had to laugh. She was so stupid. If I didn't think she'd go running to the press immediately, I would take great joy in telling her that I was gay. But even if I wasn't, I couldn't stand her.
James started to say something to her, but glanced up at the speaker as his single came screaming out, a huge grin on his face. "About time they played some decent music," I joked and he turned his grin to me.
He was so beautiful when he was serious, but his grin made him look about 12-years-old: gawky and dorky and adorable. I loved that he wasn't afraid to be an idiot. He and Rachel together still acted like the teenage friends they'd been.
"Mr. Carter is definitely not being sweet at the moment," Willa muttered, and James and I both turned to look for them, finding them on the dance floor. Yeah, that wasn't very sweet… unbridled sexuality was more like it. Nick and Rachel danced all over each other and James snickered.
"They haven't seen each other for a while."
"They saw each other three days ago!" I protested. "Or was he not waiting at the hotel for her?"
James shook his head. "He was there. Three days is a long time for those two."
"You should warn her that it takes about two weeks before he cheats on her," Willa mused.
"If he tries, she'll kill him," James told her. "She's doing a pretty good job of fixing all those bad habits you gave him."
"I gave him?" Willa protested. "Oh, that is rich. You have no idea, Jamie-"
"Don't fucking call me that," he interrupted her. "I don't care about you and Nick. I don't care about your terrible album, and I really don't care about your navel, which you insist upon showing me. Go away. Go. Shoo."
She pouted, turning to me. "Joshie, are you-"
"Don't fucking call me that!" I exploded. "Go. Shoo. Joey will talk to you, he's over there."
She sputtered at us, not moving, so James and I picked up our drinks and walked away, not cracking up until we were halfway across the room. "Dude, that was fucking awesome!" I told him. "She is so fucking aggravating."
"She seems to like you," he teased. "Joshie."
"She has been throwing herself at me for years. When she figured out that Nick was really not going to take her back this time, she practically camped out at my house. I changed my cell phone number because she got a hold of it."
"Funny, he does that, too. Oooohhh…" he crooned, and I looked over as Nick and Rachel left the dance floor, stumbling down a dark hallway. "They couldn't even make it to the hotel. Aw, young love…"
"Where are you staying?" Did I just say that? Damnit. He had no idea that I was usually the cool one, did he?
His eyes met mine and I didn't care. More, please. One night was not enough.
"I live in the city, so my apartment."
Damnit. The hotel, we could do.
He ran his thumb along his chin, considering me. I liked that thumb. I liked that hand. He had calluses from playing guitar, I really liked those.
"Can you… umm… come for a drink at my place?" he asked.
"Yes."
Can I? Sure. What was wrong with that? We were friends. We'd sneak out now, no one would follow us. Security. Did I need one of the bodyguards?
He must have read my mind, shaking his head. "No, you can't. It's like Nick, every time he moves, it's a military operation."
"We're good. It's fine. My guy knows. He'll walk us out, since there are fans everywhere. I'll sign some autographs, we'll get in a cab and no one needs to know we're not going to the hotel."
"My place is probably better, isn't it?" he wondered. "I'm sure your hotel is overrun with fans."
"Definitely." That would also avoid early morning phone calls from Chris, teasing me about my pickup. "I'll meet you at the door in ten minutes?"
He nodded. "Cool. Just a friendly drink at a friend's place," he said, mock seriously.
I put my hand to my head. "I'm a little drunk, dunno, I might end up crashing on your couch."
"No problem, dude." We snickered at one another and took off in opposite directions.
Shit. He was coming back to my place. I didn't even think he'd talk to me, he'd barely looked at me at the awards tonight, but this was his idea.
Oh yeah. Two night stand, fine by me.
Rachel! I needed to find Rachel, let her know I was leaving… I glanced around the room.
Right. Sex in the dark hallway. Nevermind. I spotted Jeremy and Darien at the bar, talking to some blond. They would do.
My mind raced as I made my way over to them. Was my flat a disaster? Yes, probably.
Fuck me, I had no… supplies. All my condoms were with my luggage, currently on our tour bus. I might have a very old bottle of lube somewhere in the bedroom…
Man, I needed to get laid more often. I hadn't had a guy in my apartment since Michael. I liked it that way. If I hooked up with someone, which was rare, we'd go to their place. But my place was better than his hotel. All my neighbors were pushing 80, they just knew me as that nice gay boy that helped carry their groceries in. They'd have no idea who JC was, and luckily they were all deaf, so we could scream all we wanted.
Darien would have a condom. I'd bet money that he had a condom in every single one of the weird zippered pockets on the pants he was wearing.
Oh, fuck me, it took me five minutes to squeeze my ass into these pants. Please, oh god, please, let them peel off nicely, don't make me jump around like a fool trying to get undressed…
Speaking of which, you could see my every thought in these pants. I needed to stop thinking of upcoming hot sex and think of something less arousing…
Willa would do. Jeremy was flirting with her, and I wasn't sure if I should slap him or just laugh. Hell, Jeremy and Willa deserved one another. Darien was also flirting with her, but put breasts in front of him and he flirted. He saw me approaching and grinned. "Hey, James, meet Willa."
I cut her a glance. "We've met. I'm leaving, just wanted you to know."
"So soon?" Jeremy asked, never taking his eyes off Willa's breasts.
"We do have an 9 a.m. flight, J."
"Taking the diva princess with you?" he went on. "Where is she?"
"Probably having sex with her boyfriend in a bathroom somewhere in this club. I'm not taking her, she's with him tonight."
Jeremy just nodded. "Right. Boy toy. Would you like to dance, Willa?"
She giggled up at him and they left. Oh, that is a lame ass attempt at jealousy, J, and it's not gonna work anyway. I doubt that Rachel or Nick will even notice either of you.
I turned to Darien. "Tell me you have a condom," I hissed.
His eyes widened. "James, that is twice in one week you're getting laid. My man!" He held up a hand and I high fived him. He glanced around, trying to figure out my victim. "Anyone going to live up to your boy toy the other night?"
"It's him, and if you breathe a word to anyone…" I threatened, and he laughed.
"Dude, I am hurt that you'd think such a thing of me. Alright, it's pushin' two, you've got to be on your way to the airport at seven…"
I tried not to groan. Only five hours?
"Four enough?"
I palmed them, not wanting anyone to see what I was taking. Better that they think it was drugs than condoms. "You are a god, Darien." If I put them in my pocket, will you be able to see them? Why the hell was I wearing these stupid pants? Who talked me into these?
Rachel. Right.
"Yeah, that's what they tell me. Now go, I need to find a honey that's prepared…" he waved me away, glancing around. I started towards the door, then remembered that yet another drawback of these pants was that I couldn't carry my keys. Lola would not have left without us, right?
Her blond head was above the crowd across the club, so I elbowed my way through. Why was my life never easy? She was talking to someone, industry type, but I didn't care. "Keys," I demanded, standing in front of her.
"So soon?" she teased, not even moving to open her bag.
"I'm tired," I attempted, but she shook her head.
"I don't think so."
"Lola, I'll tell you everything tomorrow, can I just have my keys?" Laughing, she relented, digging them out of her bag and handing them over.
"I've got Rachel's cell phone, think she wants that?"
"She's with Nick, why in the world would she need it? Give it to her tomorrow."
"Car at seven, James! Seven sharp."
"I know, I know…" I grumbled, trying to move away.
"I'll call you at 6:30!" she called after me. I half ran over to the door. Was it ten minutes yet? I wasn't wearing a watch.
"Need a ride, baby?" Rachel asked me, and I jumped, looking at her.
Oh yeah, there was sex back there. She and Nick both looked thoroughly rumpled, and he was pressed up against her back, his arm around her waist.
"Uh, no, I'm going home. With a friend."
"Really?" she squealed. "Anyone I know?"
I just nodded, when what I wanted to do was jump up and down and scream. She giggled at my expression, then whacked Nick as he nuzzled her neck. "Quit it, bunny, we're in public."
"Not for long. C'mon, Rache, you can talk to James tomorrow…" he whined, and her eyes fluttered shut at his voice in her ear.
"Go," I told them. "I need to hear about Damon tomorrow."
"Bastard," Nick growled, and I grinned at him. Right reaction. He started to drag her away, but she grabbed my hand, slipping me a condom with a grin before they disappeared.
Frank nodded at me before following Rachel and Nick. "He has the manners of a cow."
I laughed. "She likes him, I don't care."
"Have fun tonight," he told me, flashing me one of his rare smiles, and then turned to follow them. "Hold up, little man, you are going to be mobbed if you walk out there! Christ, you never fucking listen to me."
I watched them leave, and then turned back to survey the crowd. Did I look too obvious? God, I felt like a teenager on a first date. I needed to just stand here and look cool, when what I wanted to do was jump out of my skin with excitement. Where the hell was he? I scanned the club, finding him talking to someone in his band… Joey or Chris, I got them confused. He laughed, and then a bodyguard type started steering him through the crowd. He was so gorgeous… he was wearing ridiculously ugly pants, but he transcended them. I'd have to ask him if he really had no fashion sense, or if he suppressed it to stop rumors that he was gay. They found me, and he smiled, not really looking at me. "Ready?"
"Nick and Rachel just left," I told him, looking at the bodyguard. "Might be a minor mob scene. She tends to make him stop and sign things."
JC and the bodyguard exchanged a look, and then shrugged. "Whatever."
There were squeals of excitement as the door opened and JC stepped out. He went over to the crowd to sign some autographs, and I attempted to slip through to the street to get a cab, but I heard my name.
I heard my name a few times. These must be real fans, I mused, signing autographs. Rachel got most of the attention in our band, and I had no problem with that. They told me she'd just been through with Nick, and I just smiled and nodded. They asked about the album, and the tour, and was it true we were going to be on Leno tomorrow.
Don't ask me about Leno, or I'll freak out. Rachel and I couldn't talk about it, it was too huge to comprehend. I could not talk to fans about it. Besides, do you see that hot guy over there? Mine.
Finally I got free and hailed a cab, making it wait for JC to slip away. A few minutes later, he did, and the bodyguard just shut the door behind us and left us alone as the cab pulled away. "We get to go alone?" I asked him, surprised.
"Yeah. Unless you want a chaperone?"
"Frank goes everywhere with Nick."
"Frank and Nick are co-dependent freaks," he deadpanned. "Some of us can exist without bodyguards."
I laughed, then poked him in the arm. "Frank."
"It's Joshua, actually, but you can call me JC."
"No. Frank." I said, lifting an eyebrow. "Gay."
He shrugged. "That's news?"
"It was to Nick," I giggled, and he joined me.
"You are fucking joking! Everyone knows! My band knows, believe me, we make fun of him. Nick, I mean."
"Rachel said something weeks ago and Nick didn't believe her."
"Oh, he and Willa were perfectly stupid together, weren't they?"
I warned him with a pointed finger. "No dissing of Nick. He's good to Rachel, and she deserves that."
He pouted at me for a minute. "But he's such an easy target," he whined.
"Let's discuss Willa. She can be dissed. She was flirting with Jeremy, did you see that?"
"No, I missed it!" he crowed. "Did Rachel or Nick see?"
I snorted. "You didn't see them. I was surprised she noticed me when they saw me at the door, they were not paying attention to anything but each other."
"So you talked to her?" he questioned carefully.
I considered him for a moment. "I'd trust Rachel with my life, Jace. She knows everything about me, always has. You never told me I couldn't tell anyone."
"But she might tell…" he let the sentence drop and I shrugged.
"I told you. I trust her with everything. If she tells Nick, it's only because she knows he'll keep a secret. Don't worry about them." I slid my hand up his leg slowly, finding his hardness. "Worry about… other things."
He started to reach out for me, but stopped himself, moving away and glancing at the cab driver. "Sorry," I whispered. "I'm not good at this."
"You're good at a lot of other things, James. Are we there yet?"
"Soon." I glanced out the window. "Ten minutes."
He groaned quietly and I had to laugh. Me? I was making him groan? He so needed to get out more. If I thought any one of my gay friends could be trusted with his secret, I would introduce him to them and show him what real sex was like. I knew I was good, but I was not all that.
"So… what's it like, winning 20 VMAs in an evening?"
He turned his head, smiling at me. "It sorta fucking rocks."
"What was up with Michael Jackson?" We managed to talk industry crap for the next ten minutes, but most of my mind was on what I'd do to him first. It had been a long time since I wanted someone like this, since my mind jumped around, considering which part of him was prettiest. Finally we were at my building and I threw a twenty at the driver, not even waiting for change. Standing at the door, I managed not to embarrass myself by pulling a handful of condoms out of my pocket when I got my keys, but I turned from opening the door and JC wasn't even paying attention to me. I called his name and he caught up with me at the door.
"This is a nice area. I like that park across the way."
I led him back to the elevator and he followed. "Thanks. It's rent controlled, the only way I can afford it. Dear Uncle Teddy, may he rest in peace…" I made the sign of the cross and JC laughed, stepping onto the elevator with me.
"Really?"
I shrugged. "Really. Mom's oldest brother. I was in college when he passed away, and he left it to me. Rachel and I lived here our senior year, and I've been here ever since. It was luckily the only thing I got in the divorce…"
Shit. Why did I say that? JC looked at me in surprise as the elevator doors opened. "Divorce?"
Best to play it casual, James, if I stumble over this, he's going to think I'm still hung up on Michael. That might be true, but JC does not care that much about my life.
"Boyfriend. Three years. I got the flat, he got the cat and the credit card bills. I totally won that round. And here we are!" I announced, unlocking the door and motioning JC inside.
It was great. I was surprised by his neighborhood, I knew there was no way his band was making any money, not yet. I'd expected a tiny little apartment in the darkest corner of Brooklyn, but this was Manhattan, they had some money here. Not that I really cared, I just cared that there was a bed and a naked James. The bed was actually optional.
I wanted to touch him, but he was across the room, opening windows, flipping on a fan. "It's hot in the summer and freezing in the winter, but I still like it. I'll be right back," he smiled, and disappeared down the hall.
I looked around the living room. It looked exactly how I'd imagine James' apartment would look. Not that I'd ever imagined it, not really. I sorta thought that James just existed in hotel rooms, like I did. But this was a comfortable room, big, cozy furniture. None of it matched, but it still looked right together. There was a table and chairs near the kitchen, but the table was covered with stuff, looked like mostly unopened mail. My house always looked like that when I came back from a tour, too. Was he back or was this just one day in New York? "Are you playing tomorrow?"
"What?" he called.
"Do you have a gig tomorrow?" I moved closer to the bedroom, and he reappeared, shaking his head.
"Sorta. We have Leno tomorrow."
"Damn. Really?" Wow. Took us years to get on Leno. Who did they know?
"Really. Someone cancelled and we got in there." I saw panic flash across his eyes briefly, then he moved closer to me with a smile. "I have a 9 am flight, which means I have to be out of this house in about 5 hours, so come here," he purred, pulling me into his arms.
He moved to kiss me, but I pouted at him instead. "5 hours? I don't have to be anywhere until noon!"
"Cool, I'll call my label rep and tell her that I'm taking a later flight because I'm fucking JC from N Sync. She'll love that. She's the reason Rachel and Nick are everywhere, ya know, Amber thinks it's great publicity…"
I shut him up with a kiss.
Chapter added 5/1/04 Email feedback to The Paperbag Princess |